Sometimes I don’t know which is harder: being a mom or being a wife.
Being a mom is hard for all of the obvious reasons:
- You have to feed your kids
- You have to provide for your kids
- You have to raise them to be emotionally and mentally sound
- You have to KEEP THEM ALIVE
You get what I’m saying.
But being a wife can be just as hard, and that is sometimes what us moms forget about.
I feel like the same reasons apply to why being a wife is hard:
- You have to feed your husband (I’m a SAHM so cooking/meal planning is primarily my responsibility)
- You have to provide for your husband (I think of this in the way of providing a safe and clean space for him)
- You have to help him be emotionally and mentally sound (I’m basically his therapist)
- You have to KEEP HIM ALIVE (ahem…you know what this takes)
I’m not looking to make an argument here about gender roles and all that jazz. My responsibilities are my responsibilities in the home because that is what my husband and I decided (together!) would be my responsibilities. He has a lot on his plate in different areas.
But you can see by these two lists, that being a mom and a wife are seemingly equal in their “hardness.”
I believe that being a wife is harder though.
Here are the main differences:
- As a mom, your kids forget the mistakes you make pretty easily, while a husband’s memory lasts longer.
- As a mom, your kids tend to love you unconditionally, while you must always be working to cultivate the love found with your husband.
- As a mom, your kids don’t tend to notice if you have gotten behind on dishes and laundry, while your husband notices when he doesn’t have any clean socks.
- As a mom, you don’t have to usually stress about what you look like, while you tend to try to look nice for your husband.
Oh gosh. These lists sure look like my version of a mom is a 1950’s cookie-cutter mom, don’t they?
But think about it.
Maybe I’m the only one, but I like to be better for not only myself, but my husband as well. I seriously have the most perfect husband who loves me and thinks I’m beautiful regardless of whether or not I got a shower that day. He doesn’t judge me if the dishes are piled high. He also forgives quickly when I’m a bit of a…brat. Which hardly EVER happens…ahem….
So why the concern then?
BECAUSE I LOVE HIM.
There is a difference between trying to be better because you are pressured into it versus doing it out of love for your spouse. Even if being a wife is one of the hardest jobs, IT IS WORTH IT.
And it needs to always be worth it.
When your kids grow up and move out, who will be left? YOUR HUSBAND.
You don’t want your relationship to be a shell of what it once was because all you were doing was caring for your kids. You have to find a BALANCE.
Here are some ways that you can make your marriage a priority even amid the chaos of kids and life in general:
1. Brush your teeth every morning
I know. This is ridiculous, right? But PLEASE tell me that I’m not the only one who has gotten so busy with the kids and then realized that it was 5 in the evening and I never got around to brushing my teeth. I’m embarrassed just admitting it! And when I don’t, I just feel gross. So then I don’t want to even kiss my husband when he gets home from work! And majority of husbands need that little bit of love after a long day. (Because they have had a long day too!) So make your marriage a priority and just brush your teeth first thing!
2. Say, “I love you”
When you leave for the day, when you get off the phone, when you get home from work, through a text message. SAY IT ALWAYS. With technology now, you don’t have a reason to NOT say it.
3. Schedule some quality time each week
Whether it be a date night out, watching your favorite show on the couch just the two of you, or some “special time.” Make sure you are having time just the both you. It is so easy to start living parallel lives. Where you live in the same house and/or are best friends, but then you never have time to be a COUPLE. You married this guy because you thought he was sweet, sexy, and overall amazing. Take the time to remember that. Especially when the kids are not around.
4. Practice patience
This one is especially hard for me. I often use up my patience with my kids, and then my husband gets what is left. Which is usually nothing.
The biggest tip that I have found is simply taking a deep breath before speaking. If I take those couple extra seconds to think before opening my mouth and snapping at my husband, I realize that I find different ways to say what I wanted to. And they are usually kinder ways of speaking. It’s amazing how a change in tone will make all the difference. If I need my husband to do something, and I say it with a snarky tone–he gets mad. Shock. But if I say it in a appreciative tone with kind words–he will bend over backwards to make me happy. Remember that your hubby has long and hard days too, and so just being kind and patient will help him to feel of your love.
5. Encourage physical closeness
Unless neither one of you are physical people (which I doubt) make physical touch a priority. I’m not talking just about sex either, even though that is vital for a healthy marriage. No, I’m saying a hug, a kiss, a hand on his back when you look over his shoulder, holding hands while sitting on the couch. Things like this.
I’m not really a physical touch kind of person, so this is especially hard for me. I have to give conscious effort to being aware of my husband’s physical needs. But breaking that physical barrier takes you from “buds” to “lovers” so to speak. It is a good reminder to both of you, that you are, in fact, attracted to one another! So while you may not be able to do much during the day for each other, just a hug can remind your husband that you are there for him always.
So while being a wife can be really draining sometimes, please remember that you marriage was the first relationship that started your family, and it will be the relationship that is always there even when the kids grow up. And marriage is just like a plant: it must be carefully tended to, cultivated, and watered, or else it’ll die. Try out these tips to make your marriage more of a priority today, and check out my post about 5 Ways to Have a Happy Marriage Again if you are past making it a priority and need help falling back in love!
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